Some things in life are beyond simple understanding, some things which exists everywhere but still can be explained completely or can be explained in so many ways that these “some things” acquire complexity. Some claim that they “know” it, some “feel”, some “understand” it, some even claim have “control” over it and some “don’t want to know” it and some deny its existence. Its presence has been defined by different civilizations in their respective ways. But still whether one likes it or not people, men and women have strong emotions of like- dislike, hatred-admire, happiness-remorse accompanying it. But understanding its roots brings forward interesting facts of human behavior and evolution. Behaviors which sometimes makes us laugh and cry, and reminds us that “adults are children with big bodies” but that’s how our “circuitry” is designed by mother nature.
We act like love is something special. We claim that no one can understand our love, no have ever loved the way we are in love. We haven’t forgotten our lines: I can’t live without you. You complete me. Life is meaningless without you. I’ll kill myself, your lover, or you if I can’t have you. I’m crazy with love. I’m out of control. Isn’t it true that Romeo and Juliet make us sigh and cry? Though we are aware that they’re stupid teenagers and it won’t last long. But we also remember that we never felt so alive as when we were stupid teenagers in stupid love. If you’re a parent, close your eyes, look in your heart, and ask what you want most in the world. You’d sacrifice yourself to see your children grown and healthy. That’s because teenagers hold the keys to the driving force behind human evolution. Most art and gossip is not about the old and wise and responsible. Most art and gossip is about the young and impassioned (and who doesn’t love to be in spotlight).
In humans (where childhoods are long), Darwinian evolution has divided our lives in 2 parts i.e child bearing and child rearing. Our hormonal structure puts us in a position where we listen to our heart (that refers to hypothalamus of brain which is the seat of emotions) while matured people trust on their wisdom (that refers to neo-cortex of brain which is the seat of intelligence). That’s why the romantic novel of “Romeo and Juliet” which makes us passionate may be a “All non-sense” for some of married couples (specially the child rearing ones). A similar concept supports the fact explained by post-Freudian Erik Erikson as a shift from “Intimacy vs. Isolation” to “Generativity vs. Stagnation”. Conflicts between the young and the old are the conflict between the hypothalamus and the neocortex, passion and reason. Our neocortex is an energy-expensive consultant, and was invented to steer our heart through a complicated community. If we didn’t have our neocortical ability to foresee scenarios and weigh consequences, there would be a lot more tragic stories.
The gene reproduction strategy that happened to work for our species is love. This strategy is supported with a chemical warfare that goes inside a lover’s brain. Love is initiated with release of dopamine in brain (which gives attraction and reason for loss of appetite of people in love), norepinephrine (which gives the excitement), decreased level of serotonin (which generates a compulsive obsession that means all you see is your beloved). Narcotic drugs like heroin or methamphetamine promote release of same dopamine and endorphins (“feel happy” hormone) while alcohol suppresses hippocampus (control area of emotion and memory in brain) and glutamine (which is a excitatory neurotransmitter). What all these drugs do is hijack the endocrinological system that rewards you for doing something that was reproductively advantageous for our ancestors. That’s the reason why people dissatisfied or unsucessesful in love often resort to them and we come across post modern “Dev-D” in our society. People who were or are in love tend to build a tolerance to above hormones and they may go through several relationships to get there fix in an attempt to get same happiness (as endorphin induce dependency).
As the time goes, effects of above mentioned hormones (not to mention some are difficult to remember too...) also fades away and we tend to look at our partner in a rational way. However if the relationship tends to be a long term (in case of marriage), endorphins are produced naturally in brain (the same “feel happy” hormone) which makes it further stronger, otherwise “Break-ups” tends to proceed (this can be a bio-chemical explanation). Men are more likely to switch because they are confident (men are afraid of being trapped and want to be admired), women are more likely to switch because they don’t feel loved (women are afraid of being abandoned and want to be cherished).Tendencies of “Break-up” has evolved because of the fact that good bodies and good mothers don’t always go together, which is why every man has a playboy and a father in his genes. Good genes and good fathers don’t always come in the same man, which is why every woman has a concubine and a wife in her genes (this one from evolution point of view). But women as wives are good child rarer or otherwise the tendency of women to achieve the wife status would not have evolved. We should not to forget that in practical life a bond-pair is like the Titanic. When things start to sink, wealth and privilege decide who lives and who dies. Everybody wants to marry up, to the upper decks where the lifeboats are. What matters the most is a lifelong bond with a loyal partner who will protect your community and provide for your family at any cost (that’s may be a companionate or consummate love of classical “Triangular theory of Love”). That’s why love feels like a matter of life or death, because it once was (when food and life saving resources were scarce). That’s where we get our extreme feelings concerning romantic matters, We inherited ancient aches. Status competition is the furnace in which our species was forged. Now you wonder why she needs a real diamond engagement ring, not a fake one, and why it doesn’t matter if she can’t tell the difference. A woman does not love a diamond ring because it is sparkly. If that were true, a rhinestone would do. A woman loves a diamond ring because of what it symbolizes, i.e. a man promising to invest (If it ain’t expensive, you ain’t investing).
But at the same time its true that fools don’t fall in love. Lovers only look like fools to the wise because those who aren’t in love are merely preserving their energy and social structures until they or their relatives fall in love, so they have nothing better to do than be wise. “People who are sensible about love are incapable of it,” said Douglas Yates. Francis Bacon also said, “It is impossible to love and be wise.” When somebody you love is cruel to you, you may be able to transform love into hate, but you can’t just turn passion off, flick the switch into indifference. Apart from above facts that have scientific explanations behind them, we still have enough evidence from history which explains the strength of love which makes the impossible come true. In mythology, it was Sita’s devoted love towards her husband Lord Rama which protected him against evil forces of Asuras (Yudhha Kand-Ramayana) or let it be the case of Lance Armstrong of this era who survived multiple cancer (and won “tour de france” several times thereafter) where passion ruled out every scientific theories. Still in our society the term “Love” is considered a taboo, may be because of crimes which resulted out of it (in facts the hormones responsible for abrupt behavior) and every civilization teaches ways to have control over it.
